44R jacket. Matching 34/32 slacks. Complimentary 17 dress shirt. Vibrant, yet professional, tie. I’m a time bomb? Okay, not exactly, but considering I put it together in under an hour at Value Village while retaining current-century fashion sensibilities is worthy of a little fist bump. Such was my Friday afternoon last. An unforeseen, panicked shopping […]
Know Thy Golden Handcuffs
Aristotle said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” The man was centuries ahead of his time with that meme-worthy nugget. He was Facebook before Facebook was cool. Or invented. He was also full of shit. Truth is, knowing yourself is the beginning of depression. And self-loathing. Knowing myself has never so much as […]
I Quit!
A Crock of Schmidt is 3. The dreaded Terrible Twos are officially history, though any seasoned parent will assure you that the Threes are worse. My predominant impression of this anniversary, admittedly one that holds true for most milestones in my life these days, is an overwhelming sense of bewilderment that it is even possible. […]
Crude Awakening
“It builds character.” These words of encouragement, long-favoured by well-intentioned relatives and friends, cycled endlessly in my mind as I sat behind my faux-wood desk in my soon-to-be-former cubicle on the west side of the fourteenth floor of Gulf Canada Square in suddenly not-so-opportunity-filled Calgary. I was numb. A few minutes prior, my phone had […]
I Am Obsolete
There is a moment when the last lingering doubt withers away and you are finally forced to accept that you no longer have the skills to resume a former career. An instant when evidence cuffs you upside the head and reality sharpens to pinpoint focus. It is not a pleasant moment but it is surprisingly […]
Resolutions 1a & 1b – That Bit About Writing More
1a I will write a minimum of 1000 words every day, weekends, holidays, and sick days included. 1b I will write and submit a short story to a literary magazine by October 31st. To be or not to be, that is the question. Has anyone used that yet? Is it a thing? It’s […]
I Am A Homemaker (An Ode With Semicolons and Parentheses)
ICH BIN FRAU YAMUS! It took a full five years and two months, but I’ve finally done it. I’ve quit. I’ve capitulated. I’ve given up all pretense and self-delusion and accepted what I am. In fact, I’ve not only accepted it but I’ve fully embraced it. I’ve embraced it with the zeal of a newborn […]
It’s Baaaaaccccckkkkk!
This was edited April 2014 from its original first published as part of my July 2008 letter. Well I’ve been employment-free for 4 months and 5 days now. I have officially completed 1/3 of the first year of my retirement. And what can I say about it other than, wow, what an emotional roller coaster […]
5 Reasons Why I Started Blogging
Holy bejeebers this is terrifying. I began this blog journey almost two months ago (that after years of contemplation) and I’ve still not produced a single, genuine blog post. Hardly the makings of a successful blog, but then again I never thought I’d feel so overwhelmed exposing myself thusly on the world wide interwebby. Granted, […]