Cave Dweller Capital along with partners Savannah Spear & Club Emporium and The Rock Face Gallery is pleased to present this sneak peak from the renowned adaptation of Fire: The Birth of Homo Awesomeness by the Intellectually Deficient, Inebriated, and Obnoxious Thespian Society (I.D.I.O.T.S.) starring:
The Elmo as Gronk “The Wise”
The Captain as Thag “The Not So”
Big T as Mugak “The Forgetful”
Everyone Else* as Innocent Bystanders
The Clan, having learned to utilize fire for its warming capacity, gathered at the recently christened “Big-Ass Bonfire” to celebrate with the ignition of colourful, exploding, aerial projectiles.
Gronk: Fire burn. Make ouch. Very bad. Me think big people drink much booze. Let young ones light sky sticks.
Thag: Good think Gronk. Now give Thag more beer.
Mugak: Me and other young ones light sky sticks?
Gronk: Yes. Do by fence. No hurt drunk big people.
Thag: Fire pretty. Mugak want beer?
The clan watches in awe as Mugak and the other young ones go light the fireworks. Once lit, the young ones rush back to join the clan and watch the light display. However, something is wrong.
Thag: No work Mugak. Gronk! Mugak screw up! Mugak have many beer?
Gronk: Thag shut mouth! Me see small fire. Me think Mugak light wrong end!
Mugak: No! Me light right end. Uh-oh! Me put up down!
Thag: No worry! Thag fix.
Without delay, Thag rushes to the firework in hopes of putting it right side up. As he picks up the firework Thag is overwhelmed by the heat in his hand and drops the firework to the ground in a scream of pain. Just as the firework hits the ground the first volley of explosive material fires from the object which is now lying horizontal on the snow with the ‘up’ end pointed perilously close to the ‘Big-Ass Bonfire’ and the entire clan. A barrage of light blazes across the snow scaring the bewildered clan but luckily misses everyone.
Thag: Holy crap!
Gronk: Thag lucky no one catch fire!
Thag: Gronk……………give Thag beer!
Gronk: Fine. Me have beer too. For strength and courage!
Mugak: Me light more sky stick?
* Little known trivia fact. Along with Big T’s starring role in this production, the other four members of The Shirtheads (Flush, Fission, Silk, and Arm) were cast as clan members, though none had speaking roles. The Shirtheads also contributed the chart-topping title song to the best selling soundtrack under the pseudonym The Dickey Noggins. To date this is their only known non-Shirtheads release.
[This was edited and reworked in April 2015 from its original first published as part of my January 2002 Letter]