One person commenting that I look healthier is an anomaly. Two people commenting that I look healthier is a coincidence. But three…three people commenting that I look healthier is most definitely a trend. Either something really has changed recently or I was one sick looking son of a bitch for a long time! Or, I […]
My wife and I were huge fans of the TV show House. We watched every week for all eight seasons and if we did miss an episode we dutifully downloaded it from a torrent site (did I just incriminate myself?) and watched it on the computer as soon as possible. I was already dealing with […]
This was edited April 2014 from its original first published as part of my March 2014 letter. I’m cured! I’m cured! Thanks be to the great sacrificial kitten, I am cured! Oh, I don’t feel any different whatsoever, but I am cured! Behold the healing powers of dried platypus testicle elixir, I am cured! Chronic […]
Back in 2011 the company my wife worked for offered access to Best Doctors® as part of the company health benefits plan. I used this opportunity to try the service out in hopes it might magically determine a cure for my health problems stemming from Pulmonary Sarcoidosis. Unfortunately, nothing new came of this process as […]
Edited April 2014 from letter dated March 2011. Good afternoon, doctors. I am sending you three this letter and diagram in a last ditch attempt to explain my health issues from my perspective. I feel that I am failing in properly describing my symptoms to you and I hope this chart will help a bit […]
This was edited April 2014 from its original first published as part of my Christmas 2010 letter. This letter was going to be a rambling tale of sadness and gloom; literary Blues; a declaration of despair; a melancholy manifesto of misery. A true opus of self-pity and oh-woe-is-me the likes of which would make Eeyore […]
This was edited April 2014 from its original first published as part of my July 2010 letter. The whole experience of sifting through my grandparents’ life was a wonderful, belated gift from them. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it right up until the day of the auction. THAT, without a doubt, was the most […]
Edited April 2014 from letter dated April 2010 Good Afternoon Doctor. I wanted to take a quick moment to update you on my current health situation. It’s been well over a year since I saw you last and I thought it would be helpful to provide you with some recent news on my situation.
physiotherapy. noun. from the Mongolian phiskhan meaning ‘to inflict’ and the German therkstadt meaning ‘intense pain’. The poor, unsuspecting sap went to physiotherapy and left a whimpering, blubbery mess.
Edited April 2014 from letter dated November 2009 First of all, let me thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I obtained your name from a coworker of my wife’s. He spoke quite highly of you when I asked him for references of doctors or physiotherapists that might be able to help […]